Photo by Geoff L Johnson
Hello dreamers that do,
In my last blog I started to share about my experience and perspective as a female music artist.
My life is distinctly womanly. I've always had other jobs since my college days, which eventually became part time jobs as I started teaching music and performing at paying venues.
As time went on and I endured the pinch of economics at a clothing consignment shop, and via the ups and downs of student enrollment, I became increasingly stressed out trying to juggle my music on top of day-job stress.
Many of my female friends would get glassy-eyed and talk about finding a sugar-daddy. And all of them but me wanted children. This mystified me because nothing in our schooling or capitalist culture would have led them to this conclusion. It was something instinctual. Go figure I was the one who found domestic bliss first, despite lacking this instinct. But eventually all of them were either pregnant, unemployed with babies, or caretaking other family members, including elderly parents and child relatives. Wow, I did not see that coming!
How did I find domestic employment? Well, my boyfriend was a single father and trying to juggle parenting as well as a high-powered corporate job. Though innately tidy and not extremely masculine, domestic tasks fell by the wayside as he climbed the corporate ladder and spent quality time with "his beanlet." :)
I was raised to think of myself as almost identical to men aside from some basic equipment. Now I see us as varying degrees of vendiagrams, where there is much overlap, but often differences in our affinities and priorities. As time went on it just made sense for me to let go of my day job and play a supportive, nurturing roll at home. It didn’t come to me easily, but it still came to me naturally.
And my musical aspirations fit into this lifestyle like a glove. I look around and see many other women unofficially living this lifestyle, of side-hustling hard while simultaneously being the CEO of their family and home. But none of them are being overt about it. I think bc it makes us look weak and like we’re not serious businesses? Well, I challenge that paradigm. I think it’s beautiful, highly valuable, and natural for us to have a creative outlet that can also bring in varying amounts of income, to contribute to society whilst contributing to our families. We can do it all, but maybe not give our all to it all, yeah?
So yeah. Today I'm fully coming out to you all as a very effeminate musician, one who spends roughly half her productivity on grocery shopping, food-planning, cooking, cleaning, gardening, co-parenting, cat-parenting, etc.
And even within the music business, I am drawn to the side that nurtures community, that focuses on the verbal side as well as colors and textures and design...
I could be like Katy Perry and give music my all. (She barely knows how to boil water! Poor thing, she really has no fall-back plan, ha.) But because of my adjacent passions for holistic health and ecology, I opt for a well-rounded, feminine approach to my career. I'm not interested in sacrificing my physical and mental well-being to chase fame, bc I know what kind of dead end that is for me. Literally, I start to have dark thinking if I don’t eat, sleep, and connect well.
One thing I've found is that by sharing my "secrets" with you, it can help me let go and move beyond their constraint. I integrate this part of me by releasing the shame around it, and then it can add to my set of super-powers and skills.
For example, after my instagram post about not caring if I "make it" as a musician, I looked at my business bank account and realized I had just about made a living from music last month! Well, an impoverished living, but wow! Go me. Go us. Heck.
So yet again, I hope you'll consider bravely sharing the contents of your heart and soul with those who offer a safe ear. I believe it is what will set us free in this time of polarized silences.
None of us can know the whole truth, so in order to be a functioning democracy, we must share our perspectives, and listen without prejudice and judgment. That way our collective mind can be made whole. For we are cells in the body of humanity, the furthest step so far of Gaia's evolutionary journey.
It's been a bouncy ride lately, no? Well, I'm about to head off to the musical land of Anmara to reset my spirits with harmonies and mellifluous melodies. I hope you'll join me!
Simply head here www.bit.ly/annabethYT at roughly 12:30-1:30pm ET Fridays, or head to the “live” heading for all the replays.
xoAnnabeth NicANMARA
